An open letter to Michael Schur (aka Ken Tremendous). If you don't like posts about defunct baseball blogs, you shouldn't read this.

Dear Mr. Tremendous,

You probably won't even read this, considering it took you like, two months to reply to that fan mail I sent you that one time about Fire Joe Morgan. And I mean that's cool, I totally understand. You're a busy guy. Hell, I don't even answer all my mail and I don't get that much of it.

I mean yeah, Bob Somerby of The Daily Howler, who writes a serious blog (and who also went to Harvard, just like you, Mr. Big Shot, although he didn't marry Regis Philbin's daughter) always answers within literally days of receiving a mail, but I know you've had the whole Parks and Recreation thing going on, which I guess must be why you quit writing Fire Joe Morgan, you self-obsessed son of a bitch.

Hey how is Parks and Recreation working out? Can't say that I've watched much of it (maybe like 9 or 10 minutes total, spread out over two episodes) but the critics haven't exactly been kind. Personally, I enjoyed the camera work. Didn't really laugh at any of the jokes. Maybe it's one of those "too well written to be funny" things though. Or maybe without Novak and Kaling and Krasinski you're sort of lost. Or maybe the problem is there's just not enough Cousin Mose in the series. That could be your big theme next year. Have Cousin fucking Mose show up wielding a feral raccoon and maybe wearing big overalls with an ironic "Beat Farmers" shirt underneath it. That would probably work.

What I'm trying to say is, the world needs Fire Joe Morgan way more than it needs an Office spinoff that wasn't even really an Office spinoff. I mean unless Ryan Howard is going to show up next season and run for city council, I know I'm never going to watch it.

On the other hand, Joe Morgan and Steve Philips have been strutting around lately like they own the place. And it's even worse than that. A-Rod is really making me start to believe in the concept of a choke artist, and I need somebody to talk me down from the ledge. Just the other day, I made a joke to a co-worker (Yankees fan and sort of coyoteish looking but otherwise a solid guy) about how "In mid-June with nothing at all at stake in a game that's already well in hand against a team you know you won't face in the post-season there's nobody I'd rather have at the plate than A-Rod." I know it was cheap and I know it was wrong but what in God's name is the guy's deal? I just need....I just need someone to repeat phrases like "regression to the mean" in a comforting manner. Liberals have Rachel Maddow, Conservatives have Glenn Beck, I need you, Ken Tremendous.

Plus, when I'm sitting here looking at Alfonso Soriano leading off for the Cubs with 14 homers and like, fucking, what, 28 RsBI, I need someone to reassure me both that runs batted in is a fairly useless metric of offensive efficacy and that batting order isn't all that important.

I know there are still some good baseball sites, but I miss you, Fire Joe Morgan. Most of the time Baseball Prospectus kind of puts me to sleep (and they never ever namecheck Jawbreaker or David Foster Wallace) and Squawking Baseball has some troublesome rightwing leanings I don't really appreciate.

So, you know, seriously man. It's time to come home. I'm sorry I said those things about Parks and Recreation. I'm just hurt. I miss you.