Geese.

During rainy season here in Flatland, ad hoc lakes can form in the course of a few hours in the middle of fallow fields. Geese who, like American politicians, tend to be sonorous, confused, general nuisances when it comes to territorial issues, are invariably quick to claim these sad, doomed, fugazi lakes for their own flocks. One such lake formed in a field next to a Best Buy I occasionally frequent, and the geese have made themselves into a real menace not only in that sodden, muddy field (to which they are welcome) but also in the adjoining parking lot, where their presence is not really appreciated by, you know, moi.

The other day, I had to honk my horn and then wait impatiently as two geese stared at my car and then finally decided to slowly saunter away from the parking spot near the door in which they were standing. A third goose wandered past me hurriedly like a freshman running late for his 8 AM Introduction to Introductory Basic Concepts in Conceptualization class as I tried to enter the store. 20 minutes or so later, I left the store with everything I came for and strolled footloose and fancy free into the lot only to have a goose walk beside me and actually physically nudge my cart.

Despite the injunction of a beloved commenter warning against writing about encounters with nature in light of the fact that Fuck You, Penguin does it better, I nevertheless feel obliged to point out that geese are complete and utter jerks.